Failure

I have to apologize... I've been meaning to write for almost a week and I've been avoiding it.

I went riding last Saturday. I had the worst time.

Porsche had a painful infected tooth, and so she was nervous and fidgety and just generally unhappy. It made me feel nervous, too. Nervous and scared.

I really feel like DeDe doesn't understand me. She's been riding since she was so young that she has never had the kind of fear I have. I don't think she has ever felt unsure or unconfident when riding, and if she has, I don't think she remembers it. She has no idea why I feel the way that I do, and it frustrates her and makes her angry.

Porsche felt my nervousness and took off trotting. I pulled on the reins but she wouldn't stop. She was going pretty fast, and I almost lost my seat. The stirrups were too long and I didn't realize it until I lost control. I panicked a little. It didn't occur to me to do a emergency stop. The reality is, I was scared and I couldn't think. DeDe got angry and yelled at me for it. I would have understood if she was yelling because she was scared for me, yelling at me to find out why I lost control.

She yelled at me that she didn't understand why I'm not getting it. We've been doing this for a long time now, she said. You should be getting it. I don't understand what I'm doing wrong. If you just want saddle time, that's fine. But I'm trying to help you and make you better and you're not doing what I'm telling you. When I started riding I wanted it so badly I did whatever my trainer said, she said.

All I heard was that I'm a failure and I'm never going to get it. I nearly started crying right there. I've been riding less than three months. I feel like it's to be expected that I'm going to suck pretty badly right now, and that I'm going to have fear. Horses can be scary. And in my defense, DeDe put me in a bit of a bad position. She knew about Porsche's tooth and still put me on the horse. I don't blame her for not understanding, but I feel like maybe she's not a suitable trainer for a beginner or for a person like me.

I feel like part of the issue would be solved with a good beginner horse. DeDe's horses are all a bit crazy and a bit scary. Porsche and Pandora are her only decent lesson horses, and neither of them really belongs to her. I think I might need to try some of the other trainers at the stable.

I haven't scheduled another lesson yet. I've been keeping myself busy doing other things, going to Disneyland or dancing, finding other stuff to fill my week with. I know I should go back and try again, but I feel really discouraged. I might text DeDe and go tomorrow or Saturday. I haven't decided yet.

All I Want for my Birthday is...

Beach Riding

Horseback riding!

Or maybe a pony, but for some reason I feel that's unlikely to happen.

So, my birthday is coming up in a couple of months, and I wanted to do something special. A close friend had originally wanted to take lessons with me but money prevented him. He and I were talking about what to do for my birthday the other day. We came up with the usual dinner, movie, etc., but that didn't sound like so much fun. He offered to buy me paddock boots and chaps, which would be nice, but... I kind of wanted to go out and do something cool. And then I had an idea. My uncle and my sister and okay, everybody ever is always talking about wanting to go riding with me. I mentioned that I thought a trail ride with would be fun. But then it hit me; what about a beach ride?

My buddy jumped at the idea. It just sounds cool, doesn't it?

So I started to do some research. The results were kind of disappointing. There are no horse-friendly beaches in LA County or Orange County. I kept googling and googling and came up with very few results. There's a place in Topanga called Los Angeles Horseback Riding that has a beach ride. They didn't list a price online, but their website states that all beach rides are long distance. 4-5 hours to get to the beach kind of long distance. I thought about calling them, but I'm afraid of what a 10-hour-long ride will cost... not to mention what it will do to my behind!

There's also a place in Malibu called Park Place Stable. They show very little information on their website about the ride. All they say is that beach rides are private. No price, no time frame, nothing. Very frustrating. They did, however, mention that beach rides take place in Santa Barbara. I'm assuming they trailer their horses there, in which case it's sure to be very expensive as well. I took a quick peek on Yelp and two or three different people mentioned that the beach ride was $500 for two riders. That's absolutely insane. There is no way we could pay $250 each for this!

So, the search was on. I looked for places in Santa Barbara this time, knowing that there is a horse beach in there somewhere. Yet, for some reason, a lot of the Santa Barbara stables appear to trailer their horses to Pismo Beach, near the Bay Area. That's getting waaay too far away for us. Eventually, I came across the Santa Barbara Adventure Company. They were refreshingly clear about their options. $150 per person for two hours, with a group discount available. Plus it's a private ride. Not too shabby, but still on the expensive side.

At some point I found a place that seems to fit a little bit better. It's called Happy Trails Horse Rentals. It's a little bit far, as it's in San Diego, but it's just $90 for a 2 hour beach ride. It says so right on their site (crazy)! On the slightly lame side, they allow walking and trotting only. It's better than walk only, but I love the idea of cantering along the shore. Then again, if I run ahead a little bit, what is anyone going to do about it? Maybe that's bad logic. Maybe if I tell them it's my birthday I'll get away with it!

I have a couple of friends who ride in Riverside. I suppose I could ask them if they know of anywhere and see what they have to say about it. If I get lucky, they'll pull some magical amazing stable out of their butts and we'll go and have a great time. In the event that they don't have stables up their butts, I will probably call Happy Trails and see what I can do about keeping this endeavor as cost-effective (ha!) as possible. If we get lucky, maybe we can get a group discount or an early booking discount. Even if we can't, I'm sure we'll have a great story and a wonderful memory for it.

Or maybe I should just get new boots. ;)

Out on the Trails

I rode trails for the first time on Friday!

At first, I was a little bit worried about it. DeDe texted me before the ride, letting me know that there was construction going on in the riverbed where we would be riding. She told me that she wasn't sure I could handle the horses if they got nervous. I was feeling a little anxious when I got there, and also a little sad. I knew that if it was too hard for me, I wouldn't get to ride.

I haltered Porsche and took her out by myself, while DeDe tacked up Luca. I led her to the wash rack, tied her, groomed her, and picked her feet. I was a little surprised that I got her to pick up her feet for me, actually. In the past, I have had issues with that, as I can't seem to figure out where I'm supposed to squeeze to get her to do it. I had to think really hard about it. You stand at the horse's shoulder, facing its hindquarters. Then, run your hand down its leg to the bubbly joint at the bottom, called the fetlock. Squeeze the fetlock to get the horse to pick up its foot. Hold the foot in your non-dominant hand, and hold the hoof pick in the other. Pick away from yourself, removing any dirt or rocks or anything from around the frog and the horse's shoes, if they wear them. Now you know.

I also tacked her up on my own, mostly. I would like to point out that saddles are really heavy! Up until now, I've always had help lifting it and placing it, but this time I did it alone. I had a bit of trouble remembering to do silly things that would have made my life easier, like hooking the stirrups over the saddle horn to get them out of the way. My shoulder hurt the next day because I spent so long fiddling with it. Once I finally got it on, I tightened the girth (I actually tightened it enough this time! Crazy!) and led Porsche to DeDe's tack room on the other side of the barn. DeDe put the bridle on her for me.

Porsche gave me a little bit of a hard time getting on. She kept trying to walk away from the mounting block. I had to lead her in circles around it three times. It frustrates me a little bit that it's so hard to gain her respect. Eventually though, I did get on, and we were able to take off.

We rode a little way down the railroad tracks, under the freeway, and into the riverbed. I was surprised that the horses weren't phased at all by the horrible groaning noises coming from above us as we rode under the freeway. There weren't and tractors in the riverbed, really. They were outside the riverbed, on the other side of a fence from us. We were above them, and they didn't move around much or get too close to us, so the horses didn't seem to be that interested in them. DeDe commented that most horses would have been losing their marbles at the noise, let alone the few times when they drove near us. More reasons I love Porsche :)

Trail riding is very different than riding in the arena. In the arena, DeDe wants me to collect the reins, while on the trail she wanted me to give Porsche her head most of the time. The horses were kind of on alert because of the noise and movement of the tractors, so I kept talking to Porsche to try and calm her. That was a bit reassuring for me too, actually. DeDe and I chatted as we rode as well. It was fun! Definitely a nice break from the arena.

I feel like this also really boosted my confidence. We did just a few minutes of trotting, and I felt pretty good about that. Of course, I was also really happy that I held it together and didn't really feel nervous while we were riding. I feel like I'm finally starting to get somewhere!

And Better

I'm feeling sooo much better this week!

I rode Porsche again today. She is absolutely my favorite. She's my girl. She makes me feel better about my life.

I tacked her up mostly by myself. I was pretty excited about that, since it's one of my goals to learn to do. DeDe had to help me with the saddle, since Amy and I put it away wrong last time... Oops.

I rode Porsche around the dressage court. DeDe put four little cones in a square in the middle, and had me turning circles through them. I had a little bit of trouble getting Porsche really moving though, and getting her to do tight little circles like DeDe wanted. She wanted me to get the horse to really arc through the turn, and I couldn't seem to get her to do it and move at the same time. DeDe told me to "fluff" her with my outside leg, and that helped a lot. Porsche is really responsive, once I know how to ask her what I want.

I've been doing a lot of walking and turning and circling. I know it sounds very repetitive, but every time, it's a little different, and I learn something new. I have been working on my riding position, confidence, and taking charge, and those are things best learned at a slower pace, I think.

Today, I did do some trotting, though! I know Porsche is supposed to be bouncy, but I was really feeling better about my trot. I tried some posting for the first time; it's difficult! It uses a lot of muscles I'm not used to using. I did some sitting trot as well, once I got tired. I'm getting better at putting my weight in the stirrups and pushing my heels down. I felt like I was bouncing way less. Now I just need to start letting go of the saddle horn! Someone suggested to me that I take it in steps, to improve my confidence. Let go for just a second, and grab the horn again. Once I feel comfortable with that, five seconds. Then ten. Then thirty. And so on and so forth, until I can take the reins and steer. I think it's a great idea, and I'll have to try it next time.

Once we finished the lesson, I untacked Porsche and led her back to her stall by myself, unsupervised. I was really proud of myself for that! I haven't done it on my own until now.

I'm really happy with how I'm progressing. I know I have a lot to learn yet, but I feel like I'm getting there. DeDe and I talked about maybe going on trail next time, which I was really excited about! I really want to get out of the arena for a little bit.

My sisters came with me today, so I feel kind of dumb for not asking them to take pictures for me! I have a couple from last time, so those will have to do until next time.

Better

Oh Porsche, how I love thee.

I missed riding her. It's been forever since the last time I did. And I had a really nice time today.

I went to my lesson with my friend Amy. She's super awesome. We met because we're both taking lessons and DeDe introduced us. I think she's super weird though, because she likes Lola better than Porsche!

We took Porsche out at first. We planned to alternate every fifteen minutes or so. It had been longer since Amy had ridden, so DeDe wanted Amy to go first. I took pictures and Amy rode. She did some walking and circling, and then a little bit of trot. Amy seemed to be having trouble with Porsche's trot though, since it is bouncier, so I got on Porsche and DeDe went to get Lola.

It felt nice to ride on my own for a little bit. I just walked around the round pen and turned a little, but I felt in control, confident, and comfortable. Porsche really is my comfort zone.

I rode around the round pen for a long while, just being comfortable and getting some riding time. Amy lunged Lola I'm the dressage court for a little bit and then got on bareback! It was really exciting, but I didn't see much of it, since I was riding. Porsche was pretty good unless DeDe was close by. For some reason, she chose those moments to act up: trying to open the gate, not turning when I asked her to, and not stopping when I asked her to. It's like she was trying to make me look bad!

DeDe eventually moved me to the dressage court with Amy. Amy was walking Lola, and then she and DeDe lunged her. I went around the court at a walk, did circles and figure eights and zigzags. I felt really happy with the way this lesson went. Not much actual content, but I felt like I regained a lot of confidence from my time in the saddle. I also tried to think about my riding position. I've been reading lots of articles and watching lots of videos about sitting trot lately, and so I had a lot to think about. I tried to keep my heels low and my weight in the stirrups, and to make sure I was not leaning forward and that I was moving my hips with the motion of the horse. Harder than it sounds!

At one point, Lola took off. I guess Amy was lunging her, and Lola just pulled away and took off running back to her stall. I didn't realize it until Lola ran right in front of Porsche and me. I had a little moment of panic; I felt Porsche tense up and I thought to myself, she's going to take off, too. I kept my cool though (mostly), and thought of one-rein stops until we both calmed down. I have to admit, I don't feel comfortable with Lola's behavior... this is the second time she's taken off like that around me.

I really feel like I needed this kind of a relaxed lesson. I felt very good about it. Hopefully next time I'll learn new things and keep this confidence :)

Push...

I've been putting off posting about Thursday's lesson because it was just the worst. The worst. I took me forever to finish this stupid post, because I rehashing is so discouraging. I don't have any pictures either, and I wouldn't post them here even if I did.

I'm a little bit frustrated with Julie. She started school and she hasn't been communicating with me much at all. I spent all of last week trying to figure out what day we were going riding, and when she had classes and when she had work. It wouldn't be a big deal if it was just she and I hanging out or something, but I honestly think it's not fair to DeDe to text her at the last minute canceling our lessons. It's understandable, but frustrating all the same. So, this week I went with my uncle.

Someone else had been riding Porsche, and hosed her off when they were done, so I had to ride Lola.

I really don't like riding Lola.

She's just too advanced for me. That's what it comes down to. I feel very insecure riding her and I think it really isn't safe. Unfortunately I didn't really have another choice this week, but I will certainly make sure next time that I'm going to be riding Porsche.

DeDe was pushing me pretty hard, too. Sometimes that works and it's great, but I was already very nervous and it wasn't really helping. She already knew I was on this horse I was uncomfortable with. I feel like Thursday would have been the day to take it easy, walk through some traffic cones, zig-zag around the dressage court. Just do things to make me feel comfortable and safe. There have been days that I've felt like she could have pushed me harder and I would have been happy, but she seems to only push hard when things aren't going so well. I feel like DeDe sees that I'm not in control and then gets really pushy about it.

We did some groundwork at the beginning of the lesson, and that actually went really well. I lunged Lola a couple of times around in both directions and it went super smoothly. Everything was great until I got on.

Basically, I was really uncomfortable. Rather than letting me get comfortable with Lola, DeDe put us on the lunge line and had Lola trot and canter. I was so, so excited to get to canter, but frankly I kind of hated it. I felt so nervous and precarious and unsafe that I couldn't relax. DeDe kept demanding that I keep my heels down and put my weight in the stirrups. She yelled at me when she wanted me to let go of the saddle horn. She asked my several times why I couldn't do it. I didn't have an answer, and I don't really have one now. It's very hard to think about doing so many things when I'm so nervous, and my teacher is yelling at me, my horse doesn't listen to me, I feel unbalanced because she is trotting diagonally instead of straight forward, I had no warning about when we were going to start cantering, I've never done it before, I'm not riding my regular horse, I'm bouncing and I can't stop, and my teacher is yelling at me.... I want to have fun when I go riding, not feel like I'm awful at it and the horse hates me. I think DeDe forgets sometimes what it was like to learn.

To be clear, I really like DeDe and I think she is a good teacher, but I left on Thursday feeling very discouraged.

She texted me after I left the stable that I'm doing really well and that I have talent and that it takes guts to do what I'm doing. It kind of sounded like an afterthought. Like she felt bad about how the lesson went so she tried to make me feel better. Maybe that is unfair, but sometimes it feels that way. She also told me that she is getting a new horse on the 9th. He is an ex-lesson horse and she said that he will be perfect for me. She also said that I will have no more fear.

I really hope that's the case.

Equestrian Chic

Hey there! I'm actually in Las Vegas this weekend, so I'm not going to have any more riding lessons until next week (boo!) unless I can convince my friends that we need to go riding... which I'm sure would never ever happen. So instead of discussing going around and around a pen, I thought I would talk about riding gear.

I currently ride western, so my line dancing boots have come in really handy. I wear my Tony Lama boots for riding, mostly. I have two pairs of Tony Lamas: the Black Thoroughbred boots and the Tan Santa Fe boots. I don't typically wear my black ones though, since they really need to be resoled. I also have a pair of turquoise Justin Damiana boots, which I adore. They're just the prettiest color. I don't like to wear them for riding though, since they get kinda dirty and beat up. I love my Santa Fes, but I think if my black boots were wearable, I would wear them way more than the brown ones.

I do have a pair of riding pants, though. I have navy blue TuffRider cotton schooler breeches. I like that the knee patch protects my legs, but I think they could be better looking. They collect dust really easily, so they always look dirty. They have a really high rise (I call them my old lady riding pants), which is okay since it keeps my butt from hanging out, and the waistband is just ugly elastic. I always wear shirts over them, because they look so funny. Then again, they look kind of weird with my cowboy boots. I like the look of jean breeches, though. I wish they weren't so expensive, or I would have bought some already! I'm also tempted by full seat breeches, since my seatbones always end up a little sore if we ride for a long time. I really like these, even though they are knee patch breeches and not full seat.

I kind of want to get a pair of english boots, too. DeDe told us after our first lesson that we should consider it when we start riding english. I guess I like the idea of half chaps. I went to a tack shop to get my breeches, and when I went in, I tried on a pair of Ariat lace-up paddock boot and a bunch of different sizes and styles of half chaps, and I really liked them. I felt like they supported my legs a lot. And I feel like they would really help me keep my heels down, because of that. My major issue with paddock boots though, is that I really like my leather-soled boots. All paddock boots seem to have synthetic soles! I found one pair of Justins that have a leather sole, but they have a really western look, and I'm not sure that I like it.

I think that I would prefer a simpler boot. Also, I kind of want a brown boot, but that seems to be impossible to find. All of the brown paddock boots are really dark and not so exciting. I found this picture on pinterest and love this look, but I have yet to figure out what boots these actually are. I would be all over that if I knew.

I love love love that look. I think that's basically exactly what I want. Except, I want leather soles. Then again, sometimes my feet slip a little in the stirrups while I'm riding. It would be really hard for me to get used to walking with rubber soles, since most of my shoes are leather, but maybe it would be a little safer. On the other hand, if I was in danger, a leather-soled boot would slip right out of the stirrup and I could dismount more quickly. I'm not entirely sure, but I know I am extremely comfortable with leather soles. Any thoughts?

I'm also loving the "Equestrian Chic" look lately. I saw this picture (also on pinterest...) and fell in love with the look. I'm definitely going to be looking into getting some slouchy long-sleeve shirts, sweaters, and english boots for the fall! And wearing them with my hair done and red lipstick ;)